the Joy of taking appropriate responsibility

Exchanged emails with DID, and I am very impressed with his Maturity and Willingness to learn about himself and me. Not only to make him a more effective instructor, but to lift each of us up to be better Humans. I wrongly assumed he just cringed and wished I would get over it, regarding my being extra-sensitive. I did not sense cringing from his email. He seems genuinely willing to Adapt and Grow. I feel the same way. My "c>::" prompt with him is, "make Dad proud of you," which puts me in this tense and child-like place. Staying present is the key! Duh!

Still feeling grateful I tried to find "egomaniac with an inferiority complex" in the Literature. I still haven't found it, nor have I found anyone who can, but I was reminded of so many gem-mantras. "God is either everything or he is nothing," implying God is with us in the Present, but not in the future or in the past. The reason why those places are cryptic and often painful, at worst, and at best, are diverting our attention away from our Gift - the Present!

Was mindful to stay Present yesterday while walking Hank to get my allergies shots. That objective, in itself, is a meditation. To not verbally chastise myself when I get into the future, or on occasion, the past, is the challenge. Instead, recall Mary Steinhardt. "Isn't that interesting?"

I started writing an erotic novel, which none of you will ever read. It's kind of a special interest erotic novel. I'll be just that cryptic and stop. I told Brad, and he thought I said, "a neurotic novel." I have already written that one. It's called "my blog." Although, I actually do have another one I have started about family vacations in NM. Wrote 3 pages yesterday during Hank's nap.

Looking so forward to the salsa workshop today, practicing with DPB, and seeing the performances tonight!!! Does that count as not being in the Present? I don't think so. I guess the key to looking forward to something is not predicting the outcomes.

Wade in the Water

After going through the litany of songs from gymnastics, ABC, Blackbird, and Yellow Submarine, I sang Swing Low, Sweet Chariot to Hank last night. Don't know why that occurred to me. Of course, I'd like to think it's the alto vocal cords I was born with that Hank likes, but I have read that babies up to a certain age like the sound of their mother's singing even if she is completely tone deaf. And, I know, one of these days, I will hear, "aw, mom!" when I break into song, but right now I am enjoying thinking he is soothed by every note.
He still lets me pick a little on the guitar, too, before he goes for the tuning knobs. I think I'll add some other "old, negro spirituals" to our bedtime set. Is that what we're supposed to call them? Civil War-era African American folk music. How's that? I prefer black and white. I actually prefer whitey for folks like me, but you can't use it in scientific literature (such as this blog).

Looking forward to watching some dancing this weekend at the CCSF. Also, getting to go to a couple of workshops taught by the male world champion. Wonder if he can make me cry? haha.
(No one can MAKE anyone cry. I know). And some social dancing with people I will hopefully never see again. Had ANOTHER replay with DID. We agreed he will say, "stinky feet," when he feels himself transforming into the Hulk when my right arm is too relaxed or not relaxed enough.

Universe, please bring me a neutral dance partner with whom I can practice. Love, Meredith
(Yes, I know you already brought DPB, but because he didn't hear your message, you're gonna have to send another one. Thanks).

nothing going on

I always remember Mickey B saying to me, probably around this time of year, "Meredith, you are the only one who doesn't think you have 'hit bottom.'" I imagine him saying the opposite to me, today. "Meredith, you are the only one who thinks there is any drama. There is none." Correct.
I think I just missed reading Twilights and wanted something to think about. Not necessary. And, it's not like I don't have enough to actually DO. I guess escaping in fantasy, be it someone else's or my own, from time to time, withOUT taking hostages, is permitted.

Looking for "egomaniac with an inferiority complex" in a book, and instead was reminded of so many mantras that used to occupy my thoughts..."see what we can pack into the stream of life"..."what can we give, not what can we get"...and one that I think about, still, from time to time, "everyday IS Groundhog Day."

My head is stuffy from the sinus infection that I think has been waxing and waning for weeks and never fully waned. Finally went to doc. Got some prednisone. Look out, dirty house! (Actually, it's already pretty clean).

I'll let you know

when I have a normal dream. Last night I dreamed I went on a long, plastic roller coaster with Mindy Montfort after meeting Diana on a high bridge over Lake Austin where she worked (outside). Then met the actual DA I would be working with. We ate pimento cheese sandwiches on the top floor of the courthouse building. Told me his wife had been arrested in Europe for ordering a fruity drink that had been misinterpreted. Made an escape from an interior subway stand inside a high-rise building. Told them we were in the Swedish music program for children (through high school). Apparently, it was not mean to kids, but they slept like sardines stacked in closely packed containers. Woke up with a foot on my neck...

Despite reasons for, I have decided against DPB being a good DP for moi. My level of attractedness at neutral (neither attracted to, nor repelled by) was the most appealing, but height, skill, and our goals seemed like good reasons. But he has irritated me to the point of thinking it's a bad idea. So, beyond our LB team performance, no more!

In bad news, I keep getting sinus infections!!! Boo.
In good news, Nana is coming back to town!!! Yeah.

so much to say

Been writing to you a lot, lately, world. Got home from teaching and Hank and Brad were asleep. I ate, showered, and now have what appears to be some free time on my hands. I think the couch is calling my name. I don't want to risk waking anyone up. DIT and his wife came to my weight-lifting class. I am impressed with their core strength! I was very thrilled to have them there. I was nervous, and it was not as good of a class as it usually is. DIT is such a good teacher. I felt goofy teaching in front of him. Silly.
Had a good practice with DPB yesterday, before official practice, and during. We have lots in common. Some of which explain some of his eccentricities. I'm sure he feels the same way about me and mine. There is part in the blues section where I walk backwards, facing him, and am shimmying my shoulders. He is on his knees. I told him I will die if I look at him during that part. I think it's true. It's a character to be played. It will take courage, but I will risk death to try it. We have the choreo down well for the Lindy section. We have most of the blues section, and it's not hard, it's just a matter of getting the timing and steps down. Then, I suppose when we feel bored with all the steps, we add styling. That will be fun, too. Although, having the acoustic version of Layla in my head is driving me a little nuts.
Way to go, Texas, yesterday!!! Colt told Bradford he was praying for him after the game, while he hugged him. Colt also hugged Bob Stoops. Ew. But, so sweet. Texas said it was an honor to play against a man such as Bradford, the Heisman Trophy winner. So humble and magnanimous. I love that. And they did service work this summer. So great. Way to go, Mac Brown!!! Power used for Good!!!